Are you ready to stumble into the heartbeat of the world?

A little while back I shared this meme on Facebook:

If you have more than you need build a bigger table – not a higher fence. 

I went to bed and didn’t think much of it. Just a few days later and more than 1.75 million people had viewed it (and counting). It was clear that I’d stumbled onto the pulse of something enormous. What was happening? Why did so many people see, share and like this simple statement?

I have a few theories.

We’re tired of living in a boxed-in world.

Our fence is as tall as the rest of them. Presumably tall fences exist so that we can water our plants in our jammies. I’ll admit: There’s something freeing about lounging in my robe while sipping a cup of tea – secure in the knowledge that no one has to shield their children from my fuzzy slippers or towel turban.

But this comfort comes at a cost.

Tall fences interrupt casual encounters with our neighbors. Those fifteen-minute chats that start with trivial banter about the weather? They can end with impromptu barbecues and deep friendship. If it weren’t for the Bearded Boys – our old neighbors who insisted on lugging their dining table to the front yard and declared back yards and fences the worst – we probably would have never thought twice about the solitude our fences provide.

We are craving connection.

With our thumbs sore from scanning our phones and our necks stiff from Netflix, the very idea of filling an enormous table with food, friends, and lively chatter can feel overwhelming. So many people express their loneliness on social media but avoid making the phone call that could result in a meaningful gathering.

Why? Because it’s hard.

Risking rejection is scary.

My freshman year of college I did what all kids do: I called home to see what the family’s plans were for Thanksgiving. My guardians had taken care of me since I was 10. But during that phone call they told me that, now that I was 19, I no longer needed to stay with them.

Sigh.

None of us want to be rejected. Sometimes there’s a big rejection, other times it’s a series of smaller rejections. Either way the result is the same: we’re less willing to reach out and try. We simply burrow deeper into ourselves.

Cultivating deep friendship takes time.

I moved to Tulsa in 2005.  As the new girl in town, I had to learn how to pick up the phone and invite people over and out. It’s scary and it doesn’t always work out. For a while my motorcycle hobby made it easier – we had a shared experience to fall back on. But once I had my daughter I sold my bike and with it went my go-to ice breaker.

I had to start all over with the moms I met at library play groups. Some people grew up in Tulsa and already had full calendars. Some people didn’t click with me – just like dating. But once in a blue moon I struck friendship gold.

It’s been ten years and I’m finally feeling more at ease with my friendships. Ten years.

These things take time.

Families are more spread out than ever.

As we spread out around the country and globe, we’re farther from our families than ever before. The meme’s vision of an enormous table full of laughter, conversation and chaos creates nostalgia for a family we may never have had – but always wanted – or for a family we once had but have since moved away from.

The idea of opening ourselves up to greater community appeals to the child inside of us who wanted to invite everyone to their birthday party.

Even the mailman.

What would it be like if we could recapture the open, trusting spirit of our inner child?

What if we took a leap from our lonely perch and once again invited everyone into our hearts?

Potsdam, Frühstückspause der Gerüstbauer

Scary news gets old.

Some people shut down because of fear – after all, the media loves to share the sensational and the terrible. All that negative energy skips over the good and can clog a well-meaning heart. It can make us forget the good in the world.

And there is good in the world.

We all want to love and be loved. We all want to nourish ourselves and our families.  Some of us reject the curmudgeonly view of the world. We share a different vision. One of coming together. Of our world being an enormous family.

Reporters like to ask me who my dream dinner companion would be.

I have a hard time choosing just one person. I suppose that makes sense after cooking more than 650 recipes from every country.

I’d like to set an enormous global table and invite the entire world to join in. No food fights, no arguments. Just a giant helping of togetherness.

Oh, and one other thing: no fences.

We created a mini version of this dinner a couple of years ago, when we created the Global Table Experience – a feast with food from nearly every country in the world right here in Tulsa. The food was donated by a team of local chefs and the event was hosted at Philbrook, on the museum’s free day. People piled their plates high and enjoyed food from all over the world with a suggested donation of 1 can of food per person.

But there is more to do.

We need less isolation, more community, and greater feasts for all.

And we can start by making room in our hearts.

Go ahead. Risk rejection. Make a few calls. Tear down those fences. Build a bigger table.

It’s worth it.

Sending love to you and yours,

xxoo
Sasha

“Biblioteca Palafoxiana” by José P. Torrealba.

Whether you have a crazy cookbook collection or an overflowing child’s bookcase, a few simple tricks can help you get organized. I know because last month I organized my daughter’s bookshelves. She has 300+ books from all over the world spread over 2 bookcases. There are floppy soft covers and tiny collectibles. There are boxed sets who’ve long since lost their boxes. After 6 years of use the bookshelves were so disorganized they were barely functional. Heavy books shoved smaller editions to the back of the shelf where they’d be lost for weeks at a time. Random art projects were strewn in with the toppled volumes, making finding a favorite book near impossible.

Organizing the bookshelves was my daughter’s idea.

Even though I was annoyed with the state of the bookshelves, I had mostly accepted the weekly grind of reshuffling things. And even though I’m becoming more and more of a minimalist, I draw the line at downsizing my daughter’s book collection – books build creativity and knowledge. We’ll always have well-stocked bookshelves.

It was my six-year old daughter that suggested we fix things up. We’d just been to the library and were talking about how easy it to find what you’re looking for there even though dozens of people pull from the shelves every hour.  I told her librarians decide how to categorize the books with color codes and labeling systems.  Sometimes, I told her, it’s not an easy job figuring out where books should go (my memoir can be found in the cooking department and sometimes in the memoir department, for example).

This captured Ava’s attention.

“Let’s organize my books, Mama,” she chirped.

I paused. I blinked. … not because I didn’t want to do the work, but rather because I knew I’d throw myself into the project wholeheartedly. I couldn’t just half do it.

The whole project took about 10 hours spread over two days… and I’d do it all over again given the chance.

In the month since we organized the bookshelves they have STAYED organized.

I am able to find the African folktales and I know exactly where her cookbooks are. Best of all, so does she. Since we introduced this system my daughter can be found checking the spines of her books before putting them away… exactly where they belong.

Here’s how to organize your bookshelves, no matter how many books you have.

1. Put all your books on the floor.

Don’t skip this step. The only way to get organized is to see what you have. I got the idea of pulling everything off the shelves from Marie Condo’s book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. Not only will you find duplicates, but you’ll be more inclined to let go of less-loved books because it’s quicker to donate them than sort them.

2. Make piles by common type

As you take books off the shelves you’ll start noticing – “Hey! My child has a lot of biographies.” And science books. And cookbooks. And Egyptian reference books. And Christmas stories. Every child’s bookcase will reflect their interests; this is the key to how you need to categorize their bookshelves.

Build the category piles on pieces of labeled construction paper to help keep them straight.

The piles may change as you work:

• I initially started a pile called “Folktales/Fairytales.” It grew so big, I decided to break it up geographically. I had “The Americas,” “Africa and Asia,” and “Europe.”
• Same with nonfiction – there were enough books to create the following sections: “Science,” “Egypt,” “Biography,” “Entertainment,” “Animals,” “Cookbooks,” “Global.”
• I then had a whole section called seasonal that I further broke up: “Fall” and “Winter/Christmas.” Those were books that are rarely read except for those times of year.
• I was surprised to find I had nearly a dozen volumes of children’s poetry. So they got their own section.

The orange/green dots are “Entertainment.” The red dots are “Biography.”

Two green dots are global interest; yellow/red dots are science books.

A single green dot indicates “European” stories or fables. Sometimes we keep multiple copies of the same story to compare illustrators or translators.

3. Use colored stickers or washi tape to indicate sections.

Once you’ve come up with your sections, start putting the books back on the shelves. To start you can use a post it note to mark each section. Then go back through and tape on colored stickers to the spines to give a visual indicator for each section. A piece of tape will secure the stickers so they can withstand frequent handling.

Color coding is very Montessori – it almost doesn’t matter what the sections are – your kid will feel empowered to put her books back where they belong based on the stickers alone. I’m not kidding when I tell you my daughter and husband now keep the bookshelves looking awesome with no effort or reminders.

Even after teaching the cat to make egg salad.

Two yellow dots? Those indicate one of Ava’s favorite sections – cookbooks!

4. Add the name of each category to help your child learn them

This is the final step that helps make a pretty and functional system educational. Add the name of each category on the bookshelf. Use a label maker if you want. I decided to use “barely visible” white stickers with pencil. Over time my daughter will realize where certain fables come from, and that books about real people are called “Biographies.”

If Ava wants to know what her cat is thinking or learn about Ancient Egypt she can follow the red and blue dots or read the labels below them!

5. If you have a wide bookcase break it up with magazine files

Don’t make the mistake I made: large bookshelves with frequent use are nearly impossible to keep tidy. This is because it’s never just a few books that topple – it’s all of them. And it’s never just a few books that slide behind others – it’s a dozen.

When I struggle to put books away without pinching a finger it’s unreasonable to expect my 6-year old to successfully put her books away.

So what to do?

If you go to the library you’ll notice they use metal dividers to help manage their books. Magazine files are an elegant way to break up the home library while also providing support.  I used White See Jane Work Magazine Files that I found at the local office supply store. Three per shelf was the right number to keep things from sliding around or toppling. Plus 3 looks nice.

Real Talk: One of my shelves was too short for the magazine file so I used an exacto knife to trim the top. A little white paint or tape and you’d never know the difference.

6. Fill the magazine files with the skinny or short books that always get lost

This way you’ll be able to get your hands on them. I have one filled with Ava’s art pads, another with her beginning reader books.

7. Enjoy

Now that you’ve done the hard work, sit back and enjoy the books! Make themed story times. Perhaps spend one night reading poetry. Or an entire week on biographies. Or a week on folktales with very important messages, like the one below.

Do you have a big collection of cookbooks or children’s books? How do you organize your shelves? Share your tips (or frustrations) below.

“Sunset, Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia” by Luca Galuzzi.

In my early 20’s I had a few friends who liked to play Grand Theft Auto. They’d lay on the floor for hours, only emerging to pay the pizza delivery boy and refill their coozies. Curious (and eager for a slice), I grabbed a controller and joined them a few times.

Here’s what I discovered: “GTA” is a really violent game based on the premise of becoming the most powerful criminal possible. Stomping characters until they… perish… (something many young players do while laughing) is not uncommon.

It’s completely gross.

And this isn’t just about violence – its about choosing to be the bad guy.  If I really step back and look at the “fantasy” this game provides, I am embarrassed. I am embarrassed for the game developers and I am embarrassed for ever picking up a controller.

The fantasies we engage might never affect our lives, but they definitely reflect our realities.

Lots of people would tell me to lighten up – they might say “it’s just a game” or  “a video game does not make killers.” And perhaps they’re right. I haven’t done a study. But I am certain of one thing: the things we turn to reflect our lives – who we are at the moment, what we’re feeling, what we’re struggling with.

I don’t think people spend hours playing extremely violent games unless they have a gap in their lives they need to fill. It might be as simple as boredom. Or it might be as dramatic as feeling abandoned. The first is easily resolved. The second? Not so much.

I followed the herd because I didn’t know what I stood for.

It’s not exactly a surprise that my life was more full of strife when I filled it with junk like violent video games, smoking, and bad relationships. During my teenage years and early adulthood I was still figuring out who I was and what I stood for.

I was still developing my inner compass. For goodness sakes: I even remember struggling with “hurting someone’s feelings” if I didn’t laugh at their mean jokes.

Those days are gone.

I will never give a pity laugh for a cruel joke again.

I will also never play a game like GTA again.* I’m not interested in escaping to a fantasy of a destructive, hateful world. I’m not interesting in pretending to hurt anyone. I am interesting in healing, helping, and building something good.

I’m enamored by shows like Dr. Who – where the hero wins the day with his brain, not his brawn.

But here we are, another decade of my life gone by, and I am playing a game called GTA – every day.

Thankfully this time it’s not Grand Theft Auto.

This time I’m choosing to be the good guy.

It was not without quite a bit of irony that I realized the abbreviation to my quest to eat a meal from every country in the world – Global Table Adventure – was “GTA.”

But what a difference. Instead of stealing cars and killing cops, the GTA I created was about mixing spices and preparing meals together.

Me and you? We’re building a community interested in cooking towards love, community, and global awareness.

Imagine if young people spent less time engaged in a fantasy world where they’re a bad guy and spent more time in the kitchen with their families, cooking and sampling delicious food from around the world. Would we find that, 50 years from now, this would be a happier planet? That there would be less mindless pizza eating on the couch, and more time spent at the table together?

One thing is certain: it would definitely be a more delicious place to live.

What’s in your way?

Even if you (or your loved ones) don’t play video games, there is still work to do.

Take time for introspection – turn off your phone, your laptop, the TV, the radio – and sit in silence. Think about what mindless, repetitive acts you do that get in the way of your dream for a peaceful home and world. What can you cut out that is getting in your way (or, worse, numbing you out from the REAL love waiting for you)?

Remember – it starts with ourselves.

It starts at home.

And getting on the right path may be as simple as cooking a good meal together.

A life filled with good food and loving company is not a fantasy – it’s reality you can create.

xxoo
Sasha

* Are there are any peace-minded video games you can recommend to those readers who still like to play once in a while but are interested in shifting away from violence towards something constructive? For me, games like SimCity – where the only enemy is natural disaster and traffic congestion – appeal to my inner geek! If only Dr. Who made a video game…